Emmy Lay

Dad + Doula = SUCCESS

 

Even the most trained family members and friends need support during the labor and birth experience. Dads who have attended childbirth classes have knowledge of how birth should work, but they don't have hands on experience. They don't know if mom's actions are normal or something to be concerned with.

"Is that bleeding ok?"

"Her contractions aren't consistent- what do we do?" 

"Her side hurts, but no matter what I suggest, so doesn't feel better- what can we try?"

"Is it ok that she can't talk?"

"Is it time to go to our birth place?"

These are common questions dads face when mom is working away at home, and even a well trained birth coach lets his nerves get the best of him, and he PANICS. Many times dads fearfully push mom to go to the hospital too soon, which can slow a labor drastically.

Dads also forget that they are human and will need to find time to eat, rest, and take bathroom breaks (I’ve never known a man to take less than 10 minutes in the bathroom when nature calls- some things take a little extra time, I guess!!!) Labors can go on for hours and sometimes start at the end of a very tiring work day. Dads deserve to have an enjoyable birth experience as well!

A trained doula is someone who can act as a guide through the labor and birth process; she's been witness to many births and understands what is normal and what is not. She can be as hands on as you are comfortable, or she can simply hold and protect your birth space by being there. A well trained doula knows how to work WITH a dad as a team, and oftentimes, her direct actions go unnoticed by the laboring mom, as she puts the dad in the "Head Coach" position.

A doula can ASSIST a dad by:

 

Whispering ideas in his ear

(Being the silent partner)

Taking photos of him working with his partner (So mom can see!)

Giving him breaks during the birth process

(Time to eat, sleep, and pee!)

Providing information on procedures

(What to expect)          

Taking care of the messy jobs

(Vomiting, bowel movements, birth goo!)

Acting as his teammate

(He's the coach, I work for HIM)

Reassuring him of the normal birth process (I've seen it, he hasn't!)

Placing him in positive places throughout the birth space

(Not in the way)

Be a Birth Hero!

You are emotionally invested in your partner and in your baby.

You may find it difficult to see your partner in pain.

You may be scared or concerned or unable to remember what you are supposed to do to support the mother of your child.

You've never seen a birth before- at least not in real life.

Blood and mucus and birth-goo make you want to pass out or puke.

A doula is not there to take over the birth, take your place of importance, or steal some of your BIRTH GLORY! In fact, dads who had doulas assist them during labor and birth found they were able to really enjoy the experience:

 

“At first I was not interested AT ALL in having another person come to what I wanted to be an intimate experience. I wanted the mood to be calm and quiet and not busy. After learning what a doula could do for my wife and for me, and then having Emmy assist at the birth of our daughter, I found that we got the exact experience we wanted! Without her there as our guide, I’m positive we wouldn’t have had the calm and grace-filled birth we got. Now I tell every dad they need a doula.” ~AH

 

“Having our doula at our birth was the best money we’ve spent the entire pregnancy and birth. Actually, in the long run, I think she saved us thousands!” ~AA

 

 “I honestly didn’t think my wife could go through labor without the drugs- and a few times I almost asked the nurse to give her something for the pain, but Emmy helped me to see what was normal about the whole process and that my wife was actually doing what most women did (and watch out dads, women in labor can make a LOT of noise!).  Emmy gave me suggestions and the two of us worked together to keep the labor moving forward. My wife worked hard for 18 hours before she gave birth to our baby, and thanks to our doula, I was actually able to help her have the kind of birth she wanted.” ~DL

 

“I had a great experience with our doula- she made me look like a total super hero during labor! She gave me ideas on how and where to touch my partner, what to say, and quietly answered my questions when we needed to talk about having a c section. My girl friend thought I had just known how to help her through labor, but it was all about the doula.” ~DHD

"Don't argue with a pregnant lady. Just do it." ~LM